Galaxy 666 By Pel Torro

Galaxy 666
By Pel Torro
1968 Tower
Paperback, 138 pages

    It all started when my friend (and Midnight contributor) Kris Gilpin asked on his Facebook page: “Back in the 70s, a paperback original came out and it was infamous for about 10-15 years for being ‘the worst novel ever written!’” The title turned out to be Galaxy 666 and based on readers’ reviews and a few snippets of prose, I needed to experience it for myself. I landed one from Amazon for about $5.

    What is it all about? A group of four individuals, two scientists and two spacemen, who explore Galaxy 666, a place where all manner of weird shit happens. That’s it, really. They encounter odd lifeforms on the planet, along with all kinds of chaos and a broken spaceship.

     Is it really bad? Yes. Yes, it is, but not unenjoyable. One can picture the author (in reality, Lionel Fanthorpe, prolific hack/ pulp writer) charging to his typewriter with a bottle of booze in one hand and a thesaurus in the other, eager to vomit up space-age verbiage. Every noun in the book gets at least three adjectives, every point gets repeated ad nauseam, and the characters all wax poetic, even at the most inappropriate of times. “Pel Torro” was obviously padding the word count against a tight deadline, and the results are hilarious.

     While reading the book, I was comparing it to an Andy Milligan script, with unending passages of inane dialog, but without the bad acting to sell it. With a film, I can look over at my wife and we can shake our heads together. With the book, I would read her unbelievable passages and she’d tell me to shut up so she could enjoy her own, more respectable book. By the end, it became a chore to finish, even at 138 pages. Not that it wasn’t fun, but I had endured it long enough and was ready to just move the fuck on.

The first printing of Galaxy 666 was from Badger Books (SF-86) in 1963 with a Henry Fox cover.

This review originally appeared in Midnight Magazine #9, March, 2022.

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Doomflight By Guy N. Smith

Doomflight

By Guy N. Smith
1981 Hamlyn
Paperback, 221 pages

It is well known that I adore Guy N. Smith’s nature-strikes-back books, but when he digs deeper than crabs, ‘gators or bats and their destruction of the human race, it can be hit or miss for me. Doomflight is an ambitious piece of writing and it’s fairly good, but not entirely satisfying.

A huge, international airport is being constructed on the site of a previously failed aerodrome. That one had failed because of countless mishaps. Y’see, the land it’s built upon is the site of a Druid circle, the ritual stones buried deep under the cement of the runways. Naturally, all hell breaks loose, with Druids, sacrifices, ghostly, old-timey airmen and a massive loss of human lives. It’s huge, I tell ya.

Smith tells an intricate tale, and the story builds and builds to a fiery climax. It would make a hell of a movie. Sadly, I got a little impatient waiting to get to that climax. It might be that I had some kick-ass books in my “To Be Read” pile or it was a story that just wasn’t engaging me, but the last third became a bit of a slog. Eh, it happens. Maybe if he threw just one giant crab into the mix…

Still, it’s hard to not recommend any books by the master. Especially with Smith’s recent passing, we have to savor every word he has written. The Les Edwards cover here is worth the price of admission, too!

This review originally appeared in Midnight Magazine #9, March, 2022.

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The Snake by John Godey

The Snake
by John Godey
Berkley 1978
Paperback, 280 pages

 

This book is great.

 

An eleven-foot-long, highly venomous Black Mamba is loose in Central Park in New York. That is the premise. The story itself is more about what goes on in New York City while this animal is at large than the animal itself. The different factions of citizens and their different wants and needs and proposed solutions to the problem are what drive the narrative.

 

Suspenseful, humorous, and dripping with cynical social commentary, The Snake works on many levels. The science is top-notch here; Godey’s research was impeccable. No bullshit, made-up anti-snake propaganda here, just facts that the characters (and the reader, for that matter) choose how they want to take it. Oh yes, snake-hating is on display here. It wouldn’t be realistic if there wasn’t, but there are also people who want to save the innocent animal who is, after all, just trying to survive in a foreign and unknown habitat. The Snake is more of a thriller than a horror novel, but don’t let that deter you.

 

Godey nails it, speaking from every angle. The cops who want to end the search, the mayor who makes impossible demands, the herpetologist who wants to save the snake, the religious group who claim it’s the devil incarnate and the reporters looking for a scoop… everyone gets a believable voice. John Godey (which is the penname of Morton Freedgood) also wrote The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3 and since I’ve only seen (and loved) the film, I really want to read the novel after finishing this. His writing in The Snake is consistently engaging and entertaining. I even laughed out loud a couple of times. That doesn’t happen often. Read this mofo.

This review originally appeared in Midnight Magazine #8, July 2021.

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Dead Inside By Chandler Morrison

 

Dead Inside
By Chandler Morrison
2020 Death’s Head Press
Made-to-order Paperback, 162 pages

 

    This book got a lot of comments on the Books of Horror Facebook page and it piqued my interest. Disgusting, vile, sickening, “I had to put it down”… it almost seemed like a challenge. When I saw it had a necrophiliac character, I happily put it into my Amazon basket.

 

    The main character, a hospital security guard, is indeed a necrophile. His morgue visits were more than just doing his rounds. He eventually meets a maternity doctor, a woman who enjoys eating abortions. He finds out her secret and an oddball romance ensues. That’s right; Dead Inside is a romantic story, and a pretty goddamn funny one, too.

 

    Yes, it’s gross for grossness’s sake, but there is a wicked sense of humor throughout. Told in first person in the security guard’s voice, his bleak outlook of the world and his casual acceptance of what he is drives the narrative and makes for quite a few chuckles. Sure, there is explicit corpse fucking, fetus eating, combinations of the two, skull fucking, slime, ooze, ejaculate and nihilism, but somehow, I could understand the guard’s motives and I’ll be damned if I didn’t agree with some of his thoughts.

 

    Dead Inside is extremely well written and engaging, once you accept the fact that it is an extreme horror book that aims to shock. But shock isn’t the main objective, I don’t think. I’ll be looking for more of Morrison’s books. This one was good. Unlike any other romance novel you have ever read.

This review originally appeared in Midnight Magazine #9, March, 2022.

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The Hospital Horror By Otto O. Binder

 

The Hospital Horror
By Otto O. Binder
1973 Popular Library
Paperback, 192 pages

 

    The Hospital Horror is a part of the 9-book “Frankenstein Horror Series” published by Popular Library in 1972/73. Not a continuing story like Robert Lory’s “Dracula Horror Series” from Pinnacle, which was being published more or less at the same time, each Frankenstein book was its own story, and only once was it even about the famous doctor and his monster. As the back covers said, “The Frankenstein Horror Series is a group of entirely new stories that follows the fates of the primal monsters and their heirs, as they re-emerge from the Pit of the Unknown, the Unspeakable, and the Undead.”

 

    The Hospital Horror has the distinction of being written by geek-favorite Otto Binder, of the Marvel Family fame. Binder was a long-time pulp and comic book writer, having worked over the decades for Fawcett, DC and even a little for EC. He brings his pulp sensibility to this book, for sure. A daring, brilliant doctor, his love-interest nurse, a hooded, hunchbacked bad guy and many a dark and stormy night. The villain of the piece even proudly refers to himself as “The Hunchbacked Horror”!

 

    Yes, the book is pure kitchy melodrama, and its purple prose may make some roll their eyes, but I ate it up. It’s also set up kind of like a serial, whereas every 3 chapters or so covers another plan and attack by the Hunchbacked Horror. Paying attention isn’t too difficult. The story is painted in broad strokes, the hunchback (who is the one I was rooting for, of course) is pure pulp and the romance is as stilted as anything written in the 30s. So, yes- it’s pretty damn fun. Add to that a cover by comic great Gray Morrow and you’ve got my recommendation.

This review originally appeared in Midnight Magazine #8, July 2021.

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The Folly By David Anne

 

The Folly
By David Anne
1978 Corgi Books
Paperback, 156 pages!!!

 

This is an example of the way horror novels should be written: fast, dumb, zero characterization and lots of action and gore. I had previously read David Anne’s Rabid (reprinted as Day of the Mad Dogs), so I was eager to read this one, the only other book of his that I know of. It did not disappoint.

Part of England is once again laid to waste by nature, this time by mutant rat-rabbits. If mutant rat-rabbits don’t get you excited, then I don’t know what to tell you. A little bit of legit science is mixed in; it is likely that Anne read an article on the bunny virus myxomatosis and took it from there. In addition to rat-rabbits, you get a mad scientist, descriptive gore scenes, human pus-balls, semi-graphic sex, and hateful, paper-thin characters doing idiotic things… all in just 156 pages!

I read the Corgi reprint from 1980 which has a shitty cover. If you can find it, I suggest the original W.H. Allen print from 1978. It not only has an artist’s rendition of the rat-rabbits on the cover, but it runs 168 pages, a full 12 pages more than the reprint. Extra gore or larger print; either way, it’s a win-win with that cover.

The far superior W.H. Allen cover.

This review originally appeared in Midnight Magazine #8, July 2021.

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The Dogs By Robert Calder

 

The Dogs
By Robert Calder
Dell 1986
Paperback, 226 pages

This is not an easy book to read for the animal lover. It speaks of man’s inhumanity towards animals with an unblinking, cold, and clinical voice. Dog lovers will cringe. That said, it does have some satisfying passages and it is quite good, overall, if you can get past the impassive tone.

Dog experiments… creating superior pups. One gets out. Becomes stray, then a pet. Bites brat. Gets admonished.  Goes rogue. Leads dog pack. Kills. That’s the basic storyline and it goes along at a good clip right up to the end. It is at times predictable but delivers the gory goods where you’d want it. Some kids get maimed and killed too, as a welcome bonus.

There is an overlong side-plot about a dog-fighting ring that is the worst offender in the “humans suck” sweepstakes. Yes, I know these assholes exist and they sicken me, and this is where the unemotional prose irked me the most. It’s a very cold and gratuitous section of the book and the pay-off, when it finally comes, isn’t nearly as satisfying as I’d hoped for.

Yeah, every human character in this book is a piece of shit. Calder makes it clear that Orph, the main dog, is the hero. Calder knows a lot about canines (he even edited a tome of dog stories and essays, The Dog Book, under his real name Jerrold Mundis) and their place in the world of humans. Unfortunately, his bleak portrayal of Homo sapien really makes any sort of emotional tie between the two-legged and the four-legged main characters tenuous at best. Let’s face it, people do not deserve dogs.

I recommend the book with reservations. It is well-written and fast moving but it also serves as a reminder of how much the human race really sucks ass.

This review originally appeared in Midnight Magazine #8, July 2021.

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